Not going to discuss anything related to Japan because trust me, everything about Japan reminds me of you. Everytime I listen to Lost in JAPAN, I always lost in the though of you. Reality check.
You hate me.
I told you I hate you.
You started to unfollow me on Instagram.
I started having a denial. Suck much ha??
I still didn’t get the fact that I’m not having a withdrawal syndrom/symptom. I am supposed to have it right. It has been a year. Not really a year but still??? We are not dated so SUPPOSEDLY! moving on from you is way too easy right?? No??
I really wanted to go to Japan to buy Balenciaga.
This song Lost in Japan reminds me of you! Every single time! and it is my favourite song. You suck, Me myself suck, Shawn suck, Lost in Japan suck big time. (who am I kidding, this song is so damn good).
ps: In case one day you read this, trust me, I am not this creepy but I just need something to get me off from this obsession/friend-zoned thing/being rejected by you/this whole unrequited love (saying it was love is way overrated) so lets just put it as unrequited crush okay….. Anyway back to initial, just so you know I need to get my mind off from these whole things, so writing this down in my blog is the best way to cope with that. Hell, who am I kidding right. You obviously never visit my blog. To you, I am just invisible.
What a better way to start blogging after a long hiatus on word press. I know! But don’t blame me because I tried so hard to retrieve my password but my not so IT savvy self just need three months to sort this thing out. *yeaypleasetapmyshoulder*.
Trust me, September is the best month ever! I know you guys be like. Obviously because it was your birthday month! But nope! I mean despite all the birthday celebrations, I actually feel that I’m giving closure to myself. I mean me and Izzat are no longer being attached towards each other after breaking up for three freaking years. Trust me, I have an attachment issue. NO WONDER I’M STILL KEEPING MY 2014 RECEPT IN MY PURSE! DISCLAIMER: IT IS NOT A JOKE, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO LAUGH.. I stop hoping for my crush to like me back. Just so you know, I need that small closure despite being send so many signs by god. I mean, I don’t like to blame myself but this time around I know it is just me who live (i mean, who love) to live in denial.
Back to initials, I recently went to Hatyai for my company trip which I can conclude that it was one of a roller coaster journey but I really really had fun spending my time with my colleagues, get to know their family and kids. Bringing my sister with me really is a brilliant decision because she is so calm and she will be reminding me not to be nervous for this trip. I continuously asking my sister to remind me to bring my passport when the fact that I have a file to keep my travel documents such as my itinerary, pasport, and etc (Yeah, I’m nerd like that)
And a week after that, me and my family joined my colleagues for a picnic in Port Dickson. You know what? That was my first time seeing a typhoon and I keep on telling myself, No No Hana! You cannot swim in the sea while it was raining but my boss insisted that we try it cause it is once in a lifetime experience. Guess what? We did it! It feels great!
Plus, I plan to spend my third weekend by hiking broga hill but I overslept every single time so no broga hill hiking for me. Trust me, that was a suckiest (if this word exist) plan ever because I know I’ll be super pancit!!
Oh anyway, can I just leave you with this photos. A lot of them cause I don’t think I can write anymore. This writer’s block is too serious than I thought. I already stop writing down my cerpen and novel. So I think I’m gonna stop writing in my blog soon.
It is the first day of Ramadhan for 2018 and Selamat Berpuasa to all muslims all around the world and I’m trying to detach myself from posting anything from social medias. Nope, I didn’t plan on doing social medias detoxing. It’s kinda hard but who knows right?
Plus, I am consistently writing on my journal now. Gonna share with you guys my journaling journey soon. I know it is not a big deal for you guys but it is a big deal for me because I am such a sucker for cute journals, travelling journal and all of sort of stuffs related to journal.
Oh, I vowed to myself that I will do a minute plank and 10 push ups throughout the Ramadhan. So lets hope, I’ll be consistent! Happy fasting people.
ps: I intended to write more spiritual post for Ramadhan but let just stick with me rambling about stuff and all of sudden being spiritual about it okay. 😛
Life is made out of surprises and uncertainties. That is what life is all about. It is often mysterious and that explain why Robert Frost wrote the Road Not Taken. It is all about choices.
When it comes to relationship, I mean when you specifically thinking about ‘Jodoh’. It is all about being uncertain. You can date this guy for three years and nothing and you can date this guy for three days and pooff then next day you wake up. “I’m a wife to this wonderful guy” blahhh blahh blahh. Sort of things like that happened you know.
I always been this kind of human who hate surprises and uncertainties. I mean I always plan things. What I wanted to do in my life and with my life. I plan all those things. Like when I said I wanted to graduate Law School on time. I did that and when I wanted to do my chambering at Farah A. Zabir. I did that as well and when I said I wanted to work for the Bank. I did that as well but not that long. I mean whatever steps that I take, I will always have backup plans which I find it very frustrating when I cannot do the same when it comes to relationship and love.
I need to admit that I’m suck when it comes to relationship and friendship. I always shut people down. Even with my boyfriend, I try to find reasons to pull us apart and when people want to offer their friendship, I shut them down completely by saying “I HATE YOU” can you imagine how suck I am when it comes to communicating! That is because I don’t like things that are uncertain. I mean one day you can make friend with this one girl and all of sudden, she just don’t want to be friend with you anymore. And as you grow older, you and your friends sometimes become astray and you only keep those small circle of friends which I know that it is part in parcel of growing up but let me tell you this. It hurts so much!
Then, the uncertainties in relationship came into the picture. You started to question “when he is going to propose to me?” I mean thank you romcom movies for making me a sucker for a perfect proposal but let me tell you this. I don’t want a proposal! I just want a guy to say it to my face, not for the whole world to know. I just need to hear that he just wanted to marry me because me. Because he loves me! Not some scripted “Hana, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, will you marry me”. No! Not like that. The anxiety to wait for that kind of proposal is killing me!